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  • Writer's pictureSharon Koay

An unbearable pain

Last Thursday, exactly one week ago, my soul died with Joshua, and I am now left with emptiness and pain so consuming and unbearable.


Over the weekend, his friends and teachers from school, and people he knew from tennis paid their last respects, and had many wonderful things to say about Joshua at his wake and funeral service.


Today, we collected his ashes from the crematorium and placed them in a niche next to my parents - that niche was supposed to be for me.


In the video below, I chose to play "Forever Young" by Alphaville as this was one of Joshua's favourite songs that he used to play on repeat for hours.


Joshua had a strong desire to hold onto youth, innocence, and the carefree spirit of a child. I guess that's what made him such a great tennis coach for kids, together with his deep passion for the sport.


I am completely overwhelmed with grief and sorrow now, and it just keeps getting worse day by day. Please do respect my ask to grieve privately, as I don't believe anyone I know would be able to understand what I'm going through and offer any words of comfort and reassurance.


I have joined an online support group for people who have gone through what I have though, and it is so very sad to know that there are others like me. This is a journey I wouldn't wish on anyone, but I am grateful to have this group of people where everyone leans on each other for strength to get by in the same nightmare we share.


For now, I would just appreciate your prayers for us, and especially for Caleb who is in the middle of his SPM exams.



So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.

- John 16:22


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