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  • Writer's pictureSharon Koay

Glimpse of Heaven?

Caleb had a lovely dream the other day.

He dreamt of an island called Macapagal, located where the Indian and Atlantic Oceans meet, and where Atlantic Puffins fly freely all around.

At the centre of the island, there is a snowcapped mountain range, like the Alps, with a rounded monolith peak. At the foot of the Southern part of the mountain range, there is a reserve with Tufted Puffins and a mini bipedal brown bear.

From the reserve, when you look West, you will see a township with an elevated pavement in the middle of vibrant clay-like houses. Here, the red houses have yellow pillars and trimmings; green houses have maroon - and they are all bathed in warm sunlight.

At the Western tip of the island stands a few towers, completely cloaked in orange during sunset. There are multiple building structures in the sea, each with a level constructed underwater.

Aredia City music, played with traditional instruments, fills the air all around the township.

The beach at the Southern part of the island does not have white sand, nor does the ocean have crystal-clear water, but the palm trees, soft beige sand scattered with seashells still provide an exotic - and serene and tranquil feel.

Trees and forest cover most of the Northern and Eastern part of the island.

When Caleb woke up from his dream on Thursday, 1st February morning (exactly a week after Joshua's death, and the day of his inurnment), he immediately sketched some images, and then he woke me up to tell me about it. I quickly jotted down notes as he had such vivid details.

Was this a glimpse of Heaven?

Joshua loved God with all his heart, so we are assured that he has now been reunited with my mum and dad in Heaven - in a place of eternal peace and happiness. He loved my parents so very much, and they both loved him back more. During their cancer journeys, Joshua showered them with so much love and took great care of both of them. He was devastated upon their passing, but nowhere near how Caleb and I are now feeling with his passing.

At Joshua's funeral, many people wrote about his wonderful smile. Looking back at his early photos, his smile has always been that radiant. Oh, how he loved hugs, both giving and receiving - even in his late teens.

I wish people would stop telling me that the pain of losing Joshua will subside - it won't.

Please don't tell me you understand how I feel - you don't.

Stop telling me not to be sad - I can't.

And don't tell me things are going to be ok - they aren't.

Let me grieve. I don't know how long I'd need, and I honestly don't know if I'll ever be ok again. I just can't imagine my life without Joshua. Without this smile...


Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.

- 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

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