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  • Writer's pictureSharon Koay

PLEASE don't...

PLEASE don't ask me if I feel better.

Bereavement is not a condition from which you recover like an illness.

PLEASE don't say that at least he is not suffering.

I see no reason why he should have to suffer in the first place.

PLEASE don't tell me that you know how I feel.

Unless you have lost a child yourself.

PLEASE don't tell me that at least you had him for so many years.

What year would you choose for your child to die?

PLEASE don't tell me to be strong for Caleb.

How and why else do you think I am pushing through each painful day?

PLEASE don't tell me that we never get more than we can bear.

I am dealing with more than any person should have to bear, and it is not fair.

PLEASE don't tell me that he is in a better place.

He is not here with me, and selfishly, I feel there is no better place for a child to be than with his mother who loves him so very much, especially today... on Mother's Day.

PLEASE just let me be.

I died the night I lost Joshua. Not just a part of me, but completely. I am now in a place so deep and dark, where no one can come in, so don't even try. To my friends, thank you for your concern, but the best thing you can do is remember me of how I used to be, not of how I am now - the way I remember Joshua and my life with him in it. Accepting that I am dead may be hard, but so is accepting that Joshua is too. I am dead now, and living in hell.


Every year, I would receive a homemade Mother's Day card from Joshua with thoughtful personalised messages. This is the card he made for me last year. I never thought it would be the last.

Join me in remembering Joshua by subscribing to this YouTube channel that I have created in memory of him:

Always loved, never forgotten, forever missed.

Joshua Tan Peng Boon

January 1, 2005 - January 25, 2024

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